I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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