I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
