I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
FUCK WHALES
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