I CAN MOONWALK!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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