You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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