I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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