Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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