Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize