i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
