and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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