Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
