Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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