I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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