everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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