Screwed.edu
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
