You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
