life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
