i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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