May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
