census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
