tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
