yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
