The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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