I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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