how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
