the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
