I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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