I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
