He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
