I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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