Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize