My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
