I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
