you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
