is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
