we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
