I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
