Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
