if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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