my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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