maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
