this just has baby written all over it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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