New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
bring money and cleavage
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drunk is not a location!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize