Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
