We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
