i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
