her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
