hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
