I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
dude. I can hear the air.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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