Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
