You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize