worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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