you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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