Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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