Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
