these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
