Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A bitchslap is in order.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
