I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
