I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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