i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
