Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
