you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize