Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
