Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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