Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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