You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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