i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
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All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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