my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize