How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
