We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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