I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
